Sometimes You've Just Gotta Go

 A cancelled meeting first thing this morning gave me just the opportunity I needed.

I have been struggling all week trying to figure out how in the world I was going to get my long run in. People are coming to stay with us over the weekend, I have tons of work to get done, the house needs cleaning...badly.  Just as I was losing all hope - an opening, a doorway to mileage heaven. The universe has a funny way of providing, does it not? Two freshly unscheduled hours of time! I knew where I was going!

The 8.5 mile route that's one of my favorites winds up and down, northeast from my house towards some rather famous rocky cliffs. If you're a fan of old western movies you've seen this range a million times since it was a part of Warner Brothers studios for eons. The scenery is great, the traffic sparse, lots of shady trees and a green park halfway through with water a-plenty.

I had already had two cups of coffee in anticipation of my (now cancelled) morning meeting, so I swigged down some water, got dressed, did my ITB stretches and out I went. 

The morning was absolutely gorgeous. It was later than I normally run at this point - around 8:30, yet there wasn't much traffic. I really tried to focus on a steady, easy pace, this being my first mileage over 6 miles in quite some time. I really wanted to see how the IT band would hold out, plus take stock of my fitness level on longer distances, perceived level of effort, etc. Let's call it my LSD and I tried not to focus on my split times but merely enjoy the ride.

Everything went really well until mile 4. All of a sudden I REALLY had to pee. Bad. Oh man, that coffee was playing its tricks on me, and there is not a bathroom around for (literally) miles. Now, if this has ever happened to any of you you know how incredibly uncomfortable this feels, but I knew I was coming up on a small park so I tried to hold out. At mile 5 I hit the small park WHAT!!!? NO BATHROOM!!!! I scanned the landscape for bushes with sufficient cover. Nada. I felt like sepsis was setting in. Kill me now Lord. I went on. OK - the large park was ahead maybe 3/4 of a mile. I could hold out.

As I came up over the last hill before the park my arches ached I had to pee so bad. I considered just peeing my shorts and letting the (now heated) air just dry me off, but it kind of grossed me out. I was so close now, relief would soon be mine. I caught a glimpse of the shiny water fountain under a large Oak tree and lookked to the right where the porta potties are. WHAT!!!? They're gone! No doubt the victims of the California budget crises. The state is broke and I have to pee!!! OK - this called for drastic measures. 

My dignity was gone. I was in pain. The diuretic I had ingested before my run had done me in. There was no way I could hold out. The park was semi-empty save for the walkers on the perimeter, so I strolled casually over to a small tree kind of in the center, sat down and pretended to be stretching. I just pushed my shorts aside and peed - right there on the grass. Everything was just hunky dory when I looked up and there was a male runner not 4 feet away from me!  I know he realized what I was doing the instant he was close enough. I saw him kind of veer away from me suddenly as he sheepishly tipped his head to me and was gone. LOL - I don't know who was more embarrassed, but I mean where the hell did he come from anyway?

I've been running a long time. I've run trails and country roads and the streets of San Francisco. Yeah, I've peed behind cactus and pooped in forests filled with sumac, but this was truly the most humbling elimination episode to date.

I felt sooo much better the four miles back to the house, but I have really learned my lessons:

1) Coffee really is a serious diuretic and not a great companion on runs lasting an hour or more. 

2) Periodically check your routes for changes (like absent porta-potties) just in case.

3) When you gotta go, you've gotta go. Being a woman runner means dealing with what comes along. Including curious male runners...hahahahahah....

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