To say that 2009 was not the banner year I had hoped it would be a gross understatement.
There are a lot of folks really suffering in this country right now and so my own problems seem a bit petty. Nonetheless, I can’t help but bid 2009 a hearty “by, bye” and good riddance. I am ready for the tide to turn.
Everybody seems to be talking about the fact that the grinding recession has been generally good for running. And I want to thank all of you who sent me personal emails asking how I was doing and why they hadn’t heard from me on Traxee for a while. I can tell you right now, my own personal recession experience has not had such a positive effect.
In the spirit of your friendship, I’m going to open up a “true confession” of sorts and admit to you that it was some time around October I began to “fall off the wagon.” Well, actually my initial slip began in October and from there I went into a major free-fall. Yes, for the last quarter of 2009, I virtually stopped running.
It began as these things innocently do, with futile attempts to get full-time employment in my field. 6:00 AM morning runs more and more frequently were replaced with hours of searching for positions on job sites and within blogs, working through my web of connections—first, second and third level on LinkedIn, writing and re-writing customized resumes and cover letters…and so it went. My weekly mileage began to slip. I started eating unmentionable things; I contracted one illness after another, (first a cold, then an ear infection, then a stomach virus) and in general, began a downward slide into weight gain, low energy levels and a really yucky state of malaise.
Now, I know this one really well. If you’ve been reading Traxee for a while, it’s not hard to find me preaching about how important it is to keep up your running, especially during times of stress. Mine is a textbook case. And I am SO addicted to running that my departure created this kind of weird depression and helplessness that just seemed to make all matters in my life worse. To tell you the truth, it reminded me of my first attempts to quit smoking.
In addition to the job thing, it was during this time that someone very close to me also began teetering towards a serious, major life crisis. She reached out to me for help, which I gladly gave— but the effort took the very last of my ability to right what was wrong with me and get back out on the road. Can any of you relate to this? Are there any “Traxees who do too much?”
So, you may be wondering what pulled me out. It’s something so surprising and simple, when I think about it I have to laugh. It was something that my husband put on his Christmas wish list. He asked me to teach him how to “run right.”
Now, there are few things I love more in life than getting people into this sport. Despite the fact that Steve has been jogging for years, it has pained me to see him slog along, dragging his feet and never getting the true aerobic benefit of running. Further, as a diabetic, a regular exercise program is something that can truly impact his condition in a positive way and help him reach his goal towards managing his condition without pharmaceutical drugs. This was my inspiration.
And so, on December 18th, I laced up my shoes for the first time in months, and got out on the road for the benefit of someone else. If I couldn’t do it for me, well, maybe just keeping a Christmas promise would do the trick. Sure enough, it did.
Oh, that first time out was horrible. I couldn’t breathe and I could barely keep a decent pace while talking to Steve, “Pick up your feet— proper running is silent…too fast, you’re going to run out of steam halfway through…” It’s incredible how thoroughly I lost the fitness level I had previously achieved. But you know? It didn’t matter. It felt so good to be outside, to be in my running shoes, to be breathing hard, expending an effort. It was just enough to make me remember what it feels like when it’s virtually effortless. I know this road. I can do this.
So I started alternating my training days with Steve with my own runs. Short at first, then increasing 10% a week for the past two weeks. It’s still not easy, but I can do close to 4 miles now without walking. By mid-month, I should be back to 5 -6 miles. A lost lamb…I have found my way back into the fold.
Oh, and in case you’re wondering, no, I still do not have a job—although a lot of consulting work has come my way in the last several weeks. But the whole experience has had a singular effect on me and it made my New Year’s resolutions really simple this year— it’s just this:
Never stop running.
It’s not good for me, and it’s not good for the people around me and it’s not good for my new employer (wherever that company may be).
Thank you 2009. It turns out you were a really valuable year after all.
I am reminded once again of a beautiful poem that sustains me when I am having difficulties, so I thought I would share it with you. Enjoy!
This being human is a guest house. Every morning
a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and attend them all!
Even if they're a crown of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture, still,
treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
Welcome difficulty.
Learn the alchemy True Human Beings know:
The moment you accept what troubles
you've been given, the door opens.
Welcome difficulty as a familiar
comrade. Joke with torment brought by the Friend.
Sorrows are the rags of old clothes
and jackets that serve to cover,
and then are taken off.
That undressing, and the beautiful naked body underneath,
is the sweetness that comes after grief.
Rumi
